Looks like sucha peaceful place! I want to go there! 😍😜😝😁😭😆
My thoughts are so scattered and sporadic that I don’t even know how to start this. But maybe we should start with some organization.
I met you last year a few weeks into my return home, and a few weeks later I was able to hang out with you but at the same time I was bombarded by so much when it wasn’t that serious. Yet I still enjoyed the surprise but felt lowkey overwhelmed.
I never imagined I would actually end up NOT talking to you then out of nowhere we jus came back into eachother’s lives once again. Looking back I blame myself for my insecurities, self-consciousness and doubt that was enstilled by myself along with the enemy. I can honestly say that looking back only a few months I’ve changed (not completely but for the better and the glory goes to him but I don’t want to screw this up again)
But might I add, I love how honest we are with another. I never told you this but you inspired me to be better, to do much more with my life, and NOT jus sleep at home if I had nothing to do. The goals you have and the things you aspire for help me to want bigger and better things for myself.
Not gona lie, looking back on it now the hiatus we had between us actually worked for the better, surprisingly but I thank God for helping us come across one another once again.
On another note of truth and honesty, I actually tried to convince myself to let go of my feelings for you and not want to call or text you to feel like a bugaboo yet at the same time I wanted to focus on my own goals. Then out of nowhere I started to run into you and I don’t know.
Now we’ve come to the point where it feels as if we picked up right from where we left off. Only you work more hours than I do now instead of the other way around.
I should have told you earlier that there was a chance that I’d still be deploying for work but I didn’t know how you’d feel or react to that.
If I were to have waited longer to tell you that would have been even more heartbreaking than it already is. 8 -9months will go by quick hopefully but I find it would be ridiculous for me to ask you to wait for me to come back. It’s unrealistic, selfish, and almost nearly impossible. I don’t know these could jus be my thoughts as of right now but I still don’t even know if this is what I think it is or will be or if you feel the same either. I’ve got a million questions to ask and I have a feeling you do to as well.
But then again I thought we would never cross paths the same way again either so that’s not something easily anticipated.
Regardless I don’t know where we are or what we will be in the near future but I care about you so much and want the best for you. But most importantly I would want you to be happy. I can’t promise I’ll be able to talk to you as much as we do know almost everyday if I do end up deploying. All I can promise is that I won’t ever forget about you or the times we’ve shared.
I told myself this morning I was gona stop eating junk! I gave in at lunchtime after my basketball game and ordered McDonald’s. I decided to post this as a reminder that tomorrow on 08MAR13, I will NOT eat bread/noodles/pasta/grains for one month! Because today’s attempt failed! Lord pls give me the strength to do this right starting tomorrow since I already messed up today. Thank you for new beginnings, and your renewed mercies, deuces 😚☺😉😳😁😄